The Fragrance of Love Given Off in Adversity
Xiaokai Jiangxi Province
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| picture of the Church of Almighty God | God's love |
I was born in the countryside. After getting married, I gave birth to three daughters in succession. In the countryside, the feudal thought of valuing sons and belittling daughters was very serious, so my family members and the villagers turned up their noses at me, and my sisters-in-law even more walked over and laughed at me. I felt extremely miserable and depressed within and was in low spirits all day. In 1998, I believed in Jesus. Although my sorrowful heart became somewhat cheerful in the Lord Jesus’ love, the knot in my heart was still left undone. Two years later, I accepted Almighty God’s end-time salvation. I read God’s words, “Since the creation of the world, I have predestined and chosen this group of people, that is, you of today. Your disposition, qualities, appearance, and stature, the family you were born into, and your job and marriage, your everything, even the color of your hair, the color of your skin, and the time of your birth, are all arranged by my hand. …” (from “The Seventy-fourth Piece of Word” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Almighty God’s words, like good medicine, cured my long-term “illness.” I understood, “All matters and all things are in God’s hand; my life destiny has already been arranged by God; it is God’s predestination that I have three daughters, and God sees that it is the best.” Therefore, I was no longer fettered by the feudal thought and felt greatly released in my heart. From then on, I took the initiative to live the church life and read God’s word eagerly, enjoying the life supply of Almighty God’s word. Gradually, I understood many truths such as how satan has been corrupting man, how God has been saving man, what the value and meaning of man’s living are, and so on. After understanding those, I felt secure and brightened in my heart and always had inexpressible joy. I was more and more certain that Almighty God is the only true God who can save me from the sea of misery, and I made a resolution to follow Almighty God and live out a true human life. Soon afterward, I was uplifted by God and became a church leader. Nevertheless, in performing my duty, I was arrested and cruelly persecuted twice by the CCP government….
It was one day in May, 2003. At around 5 p.m. when I was on my way to perform duty, the village secretary riding a motorbike suddenly blocked the way. He shouted at me, “Stop! What are you doing? Come with me!” Feeling shocked, I realized that I had been shadowed. At that time, I immediately thought that there were things like the beeper and the receipts for the Church’s money in my handbag. If those things fell into his hands, it would bring great loss to the church work. So I ran desperately and tried to find an opportunity to throw them away. But before I ran very far, I was caught by him. After a short time, a black car came. Five or six cops who were as ferocious as wolves and tigers jumped out of it and surrounded me in an instant. They said with an insidious smile, “This time we’ve finally caught you, the head of cultists. Wanna run away? Stop dreaming!” With the words, they forcibly twisted my arms backward, carried me into the police car, and drove me to the police station.
After arriving at the police station, the evil cops shoved me into a small stinky dark room and roared ferociously, “Confess honestly! What’s your name? Where are you from? What are you doing here? Speak quickly!” When I saw their fierce look, my heart thumped. I was afraid that those things would fall into their hands and also afraid that they would use cruel tortures on me. In panic, I called to God urgently, “O Almighty God! There is your permission in my falling into the devils’ hands today. No matter how they treat me, I’m willing to stand on your side. May you give me wisdom and faith, so that I can stand testimony.” Then, God’s words echoed in my ears, “Do not fear this or that. No matter how many difficulties and dangers there are, you should be stable before me…. Remove your fear. With me as your rear guard, who can block the way?” (from “The Tenth Piece of Word” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Yes! God is unique. He controls and rules over all things. Aren’t these evil cops even more in God’s manipulation? With God as my rear guard and with God’s presence, what shall I fear? God’s words gave me faith. I was full of strength all over and no longer feared satan. But at that time, I was still worried about the things in my handbag, so I called to God unceasingly for his keeping inwardly. I thanked God for answering my prayer. Those evil cops concerned themselves with interrogating me but didn’t search my handbag. When it was time to change shifts, they all went away. I hurriedly threw the receipts and other materials related to believing in God in my handbag out of the window, and then broke the beeper and threw it into the trash can. Only then did I heave a sigh of relief. I had barely dealt with all those things when the evil cops taking their turn on duty came in. After giving me a stern glare, they hurried to search my handbag. Yet they found nothing. Seeing God’s almightiness and sovereignty with my own eyes, I had greater faith. Failing to find anything, the evil cops questioned me in exasperation about whom I contacted, who the upper leaders were, and so on. I was afraid of saying the wrong thing carelessly and falling into their trap, so I kept silent. Seeing that, five or six evil cops rushed toward me and punched and kicked me. While beating me, they cursed, “If you don’t speak, we’ll beat you to death!” I huddled myself up and writhed on the floor. Then, an evil cop pulled my hair wildly and threatened venomously, “You’re fucking tight-lipped. You won’t speak, right? We have enough ways. See how we’ll fix you tonight!” I knew that God was with me, so I remained calm inwardly in the face of the coming tortures.
A little past eight that night, two evil cops handcuffed me and took me to the Municipal Public Security Bureau. After I entered the interrogation room, an evil cop in his forties coaxed me hypocritically, “You’re so young and pretty. Why believe in God? As long as you cooperate well with our work and tell us who the upper leaders are, I’ll have someone send you home at once. No matter what difficulty you have, I’ll help you. Why suffer here? …” Because of God’s keeping, I knew that it was satan’s scheme. No matter what he said, I gave no response. Seeing that it didn’t work, the evil cop immediately showed his true colors. He pressed me down to the floor by pulling my hair and kicked my head hard. I was kicked dizzy and felt that the house was spinning. After that, he stomped on my head and said ferociously, “You won’t speak? Today I’ll torment you as much as I like and make you feel worse than death. Speak or not?” Since I still said nothing, he asked a few others to drag me up and slap my face unceasingly. My face felt so painful, as if being burnt by fire. But no matter how they beat me, I just prayed to God silently, clenched my teeth tightly, and said nothing. As I didn’t give in, in exasperation, the evil cops dragged me to another room. One of them took an electric baton and laughed viciously, saying, “I’m not afraid that you’re tight-lipped. We have enough ways! I’ll see which is tougher, your mouth or our electric baton!” With the words, he jabbed me violently with the electric baton. Instantly, the strong current spread through my whole body. I involuntarily cramped, as if numerous bugs were biting my body, and I screamed and screamed in spite of myself. Before I got my breath back, an evil cop took a thick wad of magazines and struck my head hard. Then, he seized my hair and knocked my head against the wall hard. Darkness came over my eyes, and I fell down on the floor…. The evil cop roared at me, “You play dead!” As he said, he dragged me up and ordered me to kneel on the floor. Feeble all over, I collapsed after kneeling for a while. At that time, I felt that I really couldn’t hold on and thus fell into weakness. I thought, “These devils are really too malicious. Today I’ll die in their hands….” In agony and helplessness, I earnestly prayed to God, asking him to lead me and give me the strength to overcome satan. Then, God’s words flashed in my mind, “Almighty God, the Head of all things, reigns on the throne, rules over the universe and all things, and is leading us in all the earth. Draw near to him constantly…. As long as you have one breath left, God will not let you die.” (from “The Sixth Piece of Word” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) God’s words made me understand that my life was in God’s hand and that if God didn’t permit, the devils dared not take away my life. I thought, “In my following God till today, it is God who has kept me all the way. I have enjoyed too much and too great love from God. Now when the environment comes upon me, it is just the time for God to test my faithfulness and love, and it is also the time for me to repay God’s love. The devils torment me like this, and their contemptible purpose is to make me betray God. I should be a man with backbone and will and would rather be tortured to death than yield to satan. I’ll never be a Judas for an ignoble existence or allow satan’s scheme to succeed. I must stand testimony for God and comfort God’s heart!” God’s words gave me infinite strength. I forgot about all my pain and had the faith and courage to go on fighting against the devils.
Later, in order to extort a confession, the evil cops began to take turns watching me, not allowing me to sleep, and they questioned me closely, “Who are your upper leaders? Where do they live? Who else believe? …” Seeing me keep silent, they seized my hair and kicked me from time to time. Once I closed my eyes, they would punch and kick me. They even ground my finger joints hard with the tips of their leather shoes. The heart-piercing pain made me suffer unspeakably, and I screamed unceasingly. They also kicked me about like kicking a ball…. Toward dawn I was covered with wounds and bruises and ached unbearably all over. Thinking that I had never undergone such sufferings or endured such tortures but today was afflicted and tormented like this by the CCP evil police for believing in God, I couldn’t but feel distressed and weak in my heart. At that time, I felt dark inwardly and became more fearful, not knowing what other cruel tortures were waiting for me ahead…. While suffering, I prayed to God silently, “O Almighty God! May you inspire and lead me to understand your will in such adversity, so that I won’t lose testimony.” In praying, I thought of a hymn of God’s word, “You should suffer for the truth, devote yourself for the truth, endure, endure humiliations for the truth, and endure more and more afflictions so as to gain more truths. This is what you should do. … You should pursue all the beautiful and good things and pursue a more meaningful path of life. … You should give up all your fleshly enjoyments for one truth. You should not discard all the truths for the sake of a little enjoyment.” (from “Give Up Everything for the Truth” in Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs) God’s words aroused my heart. I understood that my being persecuted for believing in God today was the most worthy and meaningful thing. Through such an environment of suffering, God made me see clearly satan’s substance of being God’s enemy and rebel against it thoroughly, and thus I would turn my heart to God and truly love God. To save me, God has endured all the sufferings. As a corrupt man, if I want to gain the truth and have my life disposition truly transformed, shouldn’t I suffer more? Such suffering is what I should undergo to be saved. I need to be tempered and built up in such adversity, which is the need of my life. I’m willing to accept such great love of God. Today, my being able to suffer with Christ and have a part with Christ in his kingdom and tribulation is completely God’s uplifting and God’s greatest love and blessing for me. I should be happy. At the thought of that, I felt especially comforted in my heart. I no longer considered it a painful thing to encounter such an environment, but considered it God’s special blessing for me. I made a prayer to God silently, “O Almighty God! Thank you for inspiring me to understand your will. No matter how satan torments me, I’ll never give in or yield to it. Whether to live or die, I’m willing to submit to your manipulation, consecrate myself to you completely, and love you with an unchanging heart unto death!” The evil cops tortured me for one day and two nights but got nothing. In the end, they could only say that I had been “Godized” and then took me to the detention house.
As soon as I entered the cell in the detention house, the head of the cell instigated by the evil cops threatened me, “Confess quickly! Otherwise, there’ll be a lot for you!” Seeing that I didn’t yield, she, together with other prisoners, tried every way to fix me: They gave me neither food nor hot water; they had me sleep on the cold cement floor every day; they ordered me to do dirty and hard work; if I didn’t finish, I must work overtime; if I didn’t do it well, I would be scolded or made to stand…. Every day, I had to face the prisoners’ mockery, humiliation, discrimination, and beating and cursing. Moreover, as the evil cops confiscated my money, without money, I couldn’t buy any necessary articles for daily use. Not knowing when such days would end, I felt very distressed, lonely, and miserable and just wanted to leave that hellhole sooner. However, the more I wanted to free myself from that environment, the darker and worse I felt in my heart. My tears fell down unknowingly. Being helpless, I could only pour out my inner bitterness to God time after time and ask God to lead me again so that I could submit to God’s manipulation and arrangement. As my ever-present help and reliance, God again inspired and guided me with his words, “No matter what work God does and what circumstances you are in, if you can pursue life, pursue to have God’s work carried out on you, pursue the truth, pursue to know God’s deeds, and act according to the truth, this means that you have a true faith, and it proves that you do not lose hope in God. If in refining you still pursue the truth, can love God truly, and have no doubts about him, and no matter what he does, you still practice the truth to satisfy him and still seek his will and care for his will deep within, this means that you have a true faith in God. Before, when God said you would reign and rule, you loved him, and when he was open to you, you pursued him. Now when God hides from you and you cannot see him and sufferings come upon you, do you lose hope in him? So, no matter when, you should pursue life and pursue to satisfy God’s heart’s desire. This is true faith and is the truest and most beautiful love.” (from “All Those to Be Perfected Have to Undergo Refining” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Like a loving mother consoling her distressed child, God’s words greatly comforted and encouraged me. I felt that God was watching by my side and expecting me to keep my true faith in God before satan and endure the suffering to give up what I love, so that I could still love and satisfy God and stand testimony for God in the environment of suffering and the forces of darkness. Only that was the most powerful evidence of putting satan to shame. Although I was in the devil’s den, God’s love accompanied me all the time. When I was cruelly tortured and felt weak and when I was attacked by satan and felt miserable and distressed, I could always see God’s supply for my life, feel the comfort of God’s love, and see God’s hand make a way out for me…. God has been caring for and accompanying me by my side all along. God’s love for me is so deep; how can I fail God’s will? I shouldn’t care for my flesh, much less should I escape from the environment that God arranges for me. I should restore my previous faith, give my true love to God, and bear testimony for God before satan. When I thought of those, my inward agony was dissolved. I made a resolution that even if I had to undergo all kinds of sufferings, I would love and satisfy God. Spontaneously, I started singing a hymn of life experience, “Being a man with a heart and a spirit, why can’t I love God? God is my rear guard; what shall I fear? I will war against satan to the end. God uplifts us, so we should give up everything and have a part in Christ’s sufferings. I will ready my love and offer it all to God to descend with God in glory. God’s Spirit hides in the flesh, working and leading for so long. I pledge my life to offer up my heart and body and exhaust my effort to repay God.” (from “The Kingdom” in Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs) When I had a firm faith and was willing to satisfy God, I practically tasted God’s tender love for me. God raised up a prison officer to give me many articles for daily use. I was so moved and thanked God from my heart. Forty days later, the evil cops saw that they could get nothing from me, so they imposed on me the charge of “believing in a cult,” demanded several thousand yuan from my family, and then released me.
I had thought that I could regain freedom after getting home, but the CCP police didn’t loosen their surveillance on me. They still limited my freedom, not allowing me to leave home and ordering me to be on call. They also sent someone to watch me and even came to threaten my family every two or three days, asking them to keep a strict eye on me. Outwardly, I was released; actually, the evil cops put me under house arrest. Therefore, I dared not contact the brothers and sisters, nor could I perform duty. I felt depressed and miserable both physically and mentally. What made me more indignant was that the evil cops spread rumors to deceive the villagers, saying that I was mad because of believing in God, was not right in the head, and might do anything…. Facing their despicable acts of fabricating rumors against and slandering me, I burst into anger spontaneously. I couldn’t be controlled by satan the devil like that. I should break free from their clutches and repay God’s love. Thus, in order to escape being watched by the evil cops, I could only leave home to perform duty.
Three years flashed by. I thought that the CCP police would no longer watch me, so I returned to my native place to perform duty. But out of my expectation, in the small hours of a day in August, 2006, that is, a few days after I got home, the evil cops came to my house. At that time, I was awakened from my dream by roars, “Open the door quickly! Otherwise, we’ll break it down!” My husband had barely opened the door when seven or eight evil cops rushed in like bandits. Without a word, they seized me and dragged me into the car. Because of God’s keeping, I didn’t feel so frightened and just prayed unceasingly, “O Almighty God! Today I fall into the devils’ hands again. May you keep my heart and give me strength. I’m willing to bear testimony for you once more.” After arriving at the police station, the evil cops forcibly took photos of me and took my fingerprints. Then, they took a list of names and questioned me, “Do you know these people? Who are your fellows?” Looking at the familiar names of the sisters on the list, I answered calmly, “I don’t know them, and I have no fellows.” Right after I finished my words, they roared, “Where did you go in the years you were missing? You must have fellows. Do you still believe in Almighty God? Come clean with me.” At their words, I felt sad and angry and couldn’t restrain my fury: Today the One I believe in is the only true God who created the heavens and the earth and all things, what I pursue is the truth, and the way I walk is the right way of human life. All these are bright and just things. But these conscienceless devils hunt me down, limit my freedom, compel me to leave home and be separated from my family, and try to force me to betray God. What’s wrong with my believing in God and pursuing to be a good man? Why not allow me to follow Almighty God and walk the right way of human life? The CCP government, this gang of devils, really runs counter to right principles and goes against Heaven! It is God’s incompatible enemy and is even more my irreconcilable enemy. In sorrow and anger, I couldn’t help thinking of Almighty God’s words, “This gang of lackeys! They requite evil for good and have long had no regard for God. They mistreat God in a most atrocious way, having no regard for God at all. They commit assaults and robberies, being entirely heartless and completely conscienceless…. They have disturbed the whole world into a dark and chaotic state! The freedom of religious belief, the legal rights and interests of citizens, and whatever are all the tricks to cover up its crimes! … The hatred of the ages is kept in heart; the evil of all ages is borne in heart. How could this not arouse people’s hatred? Avenge God, and exterminate this enemy of God thoroughly. How dare it be rampant, and how dare it kick and run amuck frantically! Now is the time. People have long readied all their strength to consecrate all the effort and all the price to this, tearing up the ugly face of this devil, and causing those who are blinded and suffer hardships and afflictions to rise up from the miseries and rebel against this old devil!” (from “Work and Entering In (8)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) From God’s words, I understood God’s will and had a bitter hatred for the devils. God created the heavens and the earth and all things and nurtures mankind, and mankind enjoys God’s rich grace. It is right and proper to believe in God and worship God. However, the CCP government cruelly suppresses believers in Almighty God in every possible way. They frenziedly hunt them, illegally imprison them, cruelly torture them, detain them, put them in labor camps, and insult and tease them. They attempt to exterminate all of them and abolish God’s end-time work of saving man. It’s really evil and contemptible to the extreme! Over these years, if not for Almighty God’s care and keeping all the time, I would have long been afflicted to death by satan the devil. Facing this life-and-death spiritual war, I made a resolution, “I should stand up for the truth. Even if I have to undergo all kinds of sufferings, I’ll love God and pledge my life to stand testimony for God!”
When the evil cops saw that I glared at them and said nothing, they exasperatedly threatened, “You don’t speak, right? When our leaders personally come to interrogate you, we’ll see whether you are still tight-lipped!” Hearing that the heads of the evil cops would personally interrogate me, I couldn’t refrain from feeling nervous. However, when I remembered that I had truly experienced in the tribulation that God rules over and controls everything and God’s word has unique authority and strong life force, I immediately had the faith and courage within to overcome satan’s influence of darkness. Although those evil cops were wicked and merciless, they were only paper tigers strong in appearance but weak in reality, and they were also manipulated in the Creator’s hand. I inwardly made a resolution to God, “O God! No matter how the devils torment me, may you strengthen my faith, so that my heart of loving you can become stronger. Even if I have to sacrifice my life, I’m resolved to become the evidence of your triumphing.” Around ten o’clock, there came two persons who claimed themselves to be deputy directors of the Public Security Bureau. At the sight of me, they grabbed my hair without another word and questioned me, “Do you still believe in Almighty God?” Seeing that I kept silent, one of them roared fiercely, “If you don’t speak, we’ll make you go through all sorts of sufferings today!” As he said that, he, like a roaring beast, lifted me by seizing my hair and threw me far away. I couldn’t get up then and there. Then, they pulled my hair and punched and kicked me. While beating me, they roared, “Speak or not?” Immediately, I felt a burning pain in my face and my scalp was so painful as if it was split open. Those two brutes in human attire outwardly looked gentlemanly, but actually were as cruel and brutal as beasts. It made me see more clearly that the CCP, this evil party, is satan’s embodiment and its lackeys are a gang of demons and evil spirits, all of whom will surely be cursed by God! Since I didn’t yield to their despotic power, the two heads of the evil cops madly pressed me to the floor by seizing my hair and wildly kicked and stomped me together. Then, they dragged me up and kicked the bends of my legs abruptly so that I knelt down on the floor heavily, and they said fiercely, “Kneel still! Don’t wanna get up until you speak. If you don’t speak, never expect to get up!” Whenever I made a move, they would pull my hair violently and punch and kick me. I knelt for three or four hours. During that period, they beat me so many times because I couldn’t hold on. Eventually, I dizzily collapsed on the floor. While cursing me “playing dead,” they pulled my hair upward wildly, which made my scalp so painful as if it was split open. At that moment, I was unable to move and ached unbearably as if my whole body fell apart. Also, I felt that my heart might stop beating at any time. I called to God unceasingly, asking him to give me strength. God’s words of warning and exhortation occurred to my mind, “Peter could love God unto death. He loved God even when he was dying, loving God even on the cross, not considering his future or pursuing his own good hope and extravagant desire but only pursuing to love God and obey any arrangement of God. Only when you reach this standard does it mean that you have testimony and you are one who has been perfected after being conquered.” (from “The Inside Truth of the Conquering Work (2)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) God’s words gave me faith and strength, “Yes! Peter could be crucified upside down for God and could still love God to the utmost in the unbearable pain of the flesh. He overcame the flesh and defeated satan. Only such testimony is resounding and can comfort God’s heart. I should imitate Peter and let God gain glory through me. Now though the pain my flesh suffers is great, it falls far short of Peter’s pain of being crucified upside down for God. Satan wants to make me betray God by tormenting my flesh, but God wants to perfect my true love for him through this. Today, I’ll never yield to satan or allow its scheme to succeed! I’ll do my best to live once for loving God!” Immediately, I no longer had any fear for death and resolved to hand over myself completely and pledge my life to be faithful to God! Thus, I prayed to God, “O Almighty God! I’m a created being. I should worship you and obey you. I commit my life to you. Whether to live or die, I’ll believe in you and love you!” In an instant, I felt that the pain of my body was much relieved, and both my body and my heart felt relaxed and released. At that moment, I couldn’t help humming a hymn of life experience in my heart, “Today I suffer for God; tomorrow I will inherit God’s blessings. To see the day God gains glory, I’m willing to give up my youth and offer up my whole life. Ah! God’s love, God’s love, I have been enchanted by it, and I can never leave you again. I’m willing to drink up the bitter cup, and exchange my whole life for sufferings; even if I endure wrongs and suffer humiliations, I won’t complain. I’m willing to repay God’s grace all my life.” (from “I Wish to See the Day God Gains Glory” in Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs) The heads of the evil cops were exhausted and stood there for a long time without saying anything. Finally, at their wits’ end, they said through gnashing teeth, “You wait!” With the word, they left. The other evil cops gathered around and talked, “This person is really something. No one can do anything with her. She’s tougher than Liu Hulan….” At that moment, I was so excited that my tears flowed down in spite of myself: God has triumphed! If not for Almighty God’s word supplying me again and again and if not for God supporting me in secret, I would by no means have stood firm. All the glory and praise be to Almighty God! In the end, the evil cops put me into the detention house.
When I was in the detention house, the evil cops were still unwilling to give up. Every few days, they came to interrogate me. Each time, they forced me to sit at the iron window of the interrogation room. Once they felt dissatisfied with my answer, they would reach out their hands to slap my face violently or knock my head against the iron bars by seizing my hair. Since they still got nothing, they flew into a rage. Later, seeing that the tough tactics didn’t work, they resorted to a soft one. They coaxed me by saying, “Your child and husband are waiting for you at home! And your husband interceded for you. If you speak, you can go back to reunite with them sooner.” Those hypocritical words made me sick, and I hated them so much that I prayed to God in my heart, asking God to curse them. I looked down upon those contemptible and shameless evil cops. No matter what tricks they resorted to, I remained unaffected. In this life, no one could sway my resolve to follow Almighty God! In the end, the evil cops exhausted their tricks. After detaining me for forty days, they fined me two thousand yuan, and then released me.
Having experienced until now and gone through all that, I deeply realize that as an ordinary country woman without any knowledge or courage, I could overcome the interrogations by tortures and cruel afflictions of the CCP police several times and see clearly the CCP government’s reactionary substance of resisting God stubbornly and afflicting God’s chosen people frenziedly as well as its ugly features of gaining fame by deceiving the public and covering up their sins, and this was completely God’s wonderful deed and great power. In my practical experience, I truly tasted that the authority and power of God’s word are so great and that the life power God gives to man is unfailing and can overcome all satan’s evil forces! In adversity, I also felt that the fragrance of God’s love constantly refreshed my heart, so that I didn’t get lost. Wherever I am and whatever situation I’m in, God always keeps me, and his love accompanies me all the time. It is my honor that I can follow this practical true God; it is even more my blessing that I could experience such persecution and tribulation and taste God’s wonderfulness, wisdom, and almightiness. From now on, I’ll spare no effort to pursue the truth so as to truly know God and will love God to the end and be faithful to God unswervingly!
Source: "The Fragrance of Love Given Off in Adversity" in The Overcomers’ Testimonies
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