September 25, 2018
Su Ping
January 19, 2018 Friday Clear Skies
When I thought about my interactions with my mother during this time, I realized that because of my corrupt disposition, I had suffered quite a lot and also made her feel restrained in all respects. I felt it was time to resolve this situation. Today, I went up to my mother’s side and finally had the courage to tell her something straight from my heart, “Mother, these days I have not properly communicated God’s words with you. I have relied on my corrupt disposition to interact with you. I have not treated you as a sister. I have always treated you as my mother. I thought no matter what tone of voice I used to tell you things, you would not take it to heart, you would not become angry at me, you would not hold a grudge against me and you would not turn your back on me. I was not considerate of your feelings when speaking to you. I have hurt you. Only after I had read God’s words did I realize that I was lacking in humanity. I know I was wrong. From now on, I will not demand that you listen to me. I must forsake my flesh, put the truth into practice and live out a normal humanity. Let us treat each other as if we were sisters. When we encounter a situation, we should seek the truth and principles. We should point out each other’s problems and help each other …” The more I said, the more my heart felt guilt. I could see that I was really lacking the rationality of a normal humanity. My mother also said some things that were from her heart, “I’m also corrupt. I stubbornly maintained my own perspective and ways of doing things. Even if I knew what you said was correct, I would not do it. I thought that I had been like this almost my entire life. You always requested that I pay a little more attention to hygiene, yet I did not take it seriously. That was not correct. We are mother and daughter in terms of our flesh. But, in terms of our spirit, we are siblings. I should accept your suggestions when they are right.” When I heard my mother say these heartfelt things to me, I could feel that our relationship had gotten a little better. My heart felt peaceful and happy. I could not help but be grateful, “Thank You God! O God, it’s so wonderful to have Your guidance!”
January 26, 2018 Friday Cloudy
Today, when I came back home, I pushed open the door and saw vegetable baskets, vegetable scraps for feeding the chickens, etc. scattered everywhere on the floor. There was not even space to walk. I could not help but say to my mother, “You have made a complete mess here. It looks like a vendor’s stall. There isn’t even space for me to walk through. Do you find this comfortable? The room has only been clean for two days since I last tidied up. Why did you mess it up yet again?” After I finished complaining, I did not even wait for my mother to reply before I turned around and left. A little while later, after my temper had cooled down, I felt self-reproach. I felt that I should not have been so grouchy. I quickly knelt down and prayed to God, “O God! Today, I had another temper tantrum. When I saw that my mother had made a mess, I just couldn’t take it. Yet again, I revealed my arrogant and conceited satanic disposition. I did not help my mother with love. O God, I do not want to live by my satanic nature and get carried away with my temper. Please guide me so I can learn how to put the truth into practice and no longer do things as I please.”
After I finished praying, I read God’s words, “After being corrupted by Satan, man’s original sense, conscience, and humanity grew dull and were impaired by Satan. Thus, he has lost his obedience and love toward God. Man’s sense has become aberrant, his disposition has become the same as that of an animal, and his rebelliousness toward God is ever more frequent and grievous. Yet man still neither knows nor recognizes this, and merely blindly opposes and rebels” (“To Have an Unchanged Disposition Is to Be in Enmity to God” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). Having read this passage of God’s words, I felt pricked in my heart. I thought, “Due to Satan’s corruption, I have lost the conscience and sense of a normal humanity. I frequently cold-shouldered my mother. I was unable to live out true love. In whatever I did, I always wanted to control her so that she would conform to my preferences and habits. I had no understanding or tolerance toward her. What I was living out was completely a brash and arrogant corrupt disposition. We are so corrupt and disobedient, but God has not turned His back on us. His demands are not too high for us, and He all along does the work of saving man. I, on the other hand, have such unreasonable demands for my mother. I am truly irrational!”
Now that my reflections had reached this point, I began to think about which truths I needed to practice and what I should do to have a change in myself. In my seeking, I read a passage of God’s words, “People live for so many years, and are unhappy with eighty or ninety percent of what they encounter. You frown upon this and disapprove of that, but what do you dislike? Some of these things are actually your own problems, so you should not make a big deal out of them. When people get older, they realize that they are not noble, and that they are no better than others. Do not think that you are superior to other people, or more dignified and distinguished than they are; you must learn to adapt to your environment. To adapt to your environment, you must first realize something: There are all kinds of people out there, with all sorts of living habits. Living habits do not represent a person’s humanity. Just because your living habits are disciplined, normal, and dignified does not mean you possess the truth. You need to get this fact through your head, and gain a positive appreciation for it. Furthermore, God has arranged such a fantastic environment for you. You have too many personal issues; you must learn to adapt, and not pick at the bad habits of others. Moreover, you have to be able to get along with them based on love, and get close to them; you need to see their strengths, learn from their strengths, and then pray to God and overcome your own problems. This is the attitude and practice of submission. … We are common people; we are ordinary people. Do not think of yourself as being so noble or great. Even if you possess some special talents, skills, or strengths, they are nothing to brag about. You must first stand in the right position, the proper position. In this way, you will not make a mountain out of a molehill when you encounter problems or find yourself in various situations, and you will be able to submit. You must see clearly these things that surround you; if you are truly unable to submit, you find them too upsetting, and they are affecting your life, then pray and implore God to act. Allow God to make arrangements; allow God to do His work. We humans should not do it ourselves. If it’s God’s intention to hone us in such an environment, then we should submit, and we should allow ourselves to be honed until a result is achieved; we should allow ourselves to be honed until we are as humans should be and can show this to God and satisfy God. First, though, you must have this resolve to suffer. … When you do and handle things, or have some thoughts while encountering things, do not rely on your own intentions or your hot blood. Pray to God and come before Him. This, first of all, is a submissive attitude; it is the first psychological quality you should possess” (“The Five Conditions People Have Before They Enter the Right Track of Believing in God” in Records of Christ’s Talks). After I read this passage of God’s words, I realized: One’s living habits does not represent one’s humanity. This period of time when I am living together with my mother and need to have meetings with her, God’s will is for me to live by His words, absorb the good qualities of my mother, and not pick up her bad habits but learn to treat her fairly. If it were not for this environment, where would I learn about my own corrupt disposition and where would I obtain the truth? Now I know that God’s will is not for me to change or avoid this environment. Instead, He wants to use this environment to change my corrupt disposition. At this moment, I thought, “Even though my mother has some shortcomings in regard to the way she lives, and she does whatever she wants when she wants, and is lacking a little in terms of understanding God’s word, she is still someone who truly believes in God. When my mother previously did her hosting duty, regardless of how many brothers and sisters came to our house to eat, she would never be stingy or fed up. Afterward, since the environment of our house was not appropriate for hosting brothers and sisters, my mother had to go to other people’s houses to attend meetings. Regardless of how tired she was, or how hot or cold the weather was, she would always go. She would never miss a meeting. Even though she is so old, each day, she wakes up very early to read God’s words or listen to sermons or hymns. Whatever arrangements the church has, she would proactively participate in them and never shirk. She even practiced writing about her individual experiences and testimonies regardless of the depth of her understanding of the truth; she was not afraid that brothers and sisters would probably disapprove of her writing. …” After considering the situation in this manner, I discovered there were certain aspects in which I could learn from my mother. Moreover, during the times when I was feeling negative or weak, I remembered, my mother would try to help me out and encourage me to come before God more often, tell God about my difficulties, rely on God and look up to God. … I could see from this that my mother’s humanity is a lot better than mine. Even though I am better than her at certain external life habits and lifestyle, these areas are not representative of life nor are they representative of a change in my disposition. In fact, when it comes to the many other aspects, I am inferior to my mother.
I thanked God for His guidance. Now I understood: The reason that God has arranged for my mother and I to live with each other is to train me to live out a normal humanity so that my mother and I can use each other’s strengths to make up for our own weaknesses, and thus I can throw off my corrupt disposition and attain God’s salvation sooner. After my condition completely reversed, I suddenly discovered that my mother was quite lovable and a lot easier to live with, and that there were many things that I could learn from her. I am determined to pursue the truth more diligently and put God’s words into practice in regard to my practical life with my family members. I thank God for leading and guiding me with His words so that the gap that used to exist between my mother and me has gradually been mended.
All the glory be to Almighty God!
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