Judgment Is the Light

Judgment Is the Light

One day, I was informed that there was a sister in the church who was not in a good state, so I consulted with the sister I was partnered with on how to resolve this problem. She was not feeling physically well at the time, so I went alone to seek out that sister that very night to have fellowship with her, and the problem was resolved very quickly. My heart was brimming with self-satisfaction, thinking that the upper-level leader would surely praise me because I had put in so much effort.

Just as I was waiting for the good news, a letter came from the upper-level leader, inquiring after that sister’s state. I thought it was to praise me, so I happily opened it up and began reading it. But I was surprised to see that the message was just to ask the sister I was partnered with how she had dealt with the problem. I immediately became indignant, thinking: “I was clearly the one who resolved the issue. Why not write to me to ask about it? It seems I do not have a place in the leader’s heart and am looked down upon. I’m just an errand girl. No matter how well I perform no one pays any attention to it.” The more I thought about it, the more I felt wronged and depressed. I felt I had lost all face. Just then, my partner sister had the letter in her hand and was just about to come talk to me. I could not restrain the feelings I had inside and said harshly: “The upper-level leader doesn’t know how this issue was resolved. Aren’t you clear on this? I was busy working on it for ages but no one said a single kind word about it, and in the end you still got all the credit. In everyone’s eyes, I am just someone who runs errands. No matter how much effort I put in, no one will appreciate it.” After saying this, I felt so aggrieved that I burst into tears. In that moment, the words of God echoed in my ears: “If you expended a lot of effort but I am still very cold toward you, will you be able to continue working for Me in obscurity? … If, after you have expended some things for Me, I have not satisfied your petty demands, will you be disheartened and disappointed toward Me or even become furious and shout abuse?” (“A Very Serious Problem: Betrayal (2)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). God’s reproving words slowly calmed me down and cleared my head a great deal. The scene that had just taken place kept replaying in my mind like a movie. What God had revealed caused me to see that my nature is too horrible and dangerous, and that my belief in God and the fulfilling of my duty was not to satisfy God or to gain His approval, but instead to receive praise and compliments from others. As soon as my wishes were not met I would become full of resentment; my beastly nature would erupt and betraying God became even easier. I saw then that I had gone too far and that I did not possess even a shred of proper humanity. The pain I felt was heartrending. In remorse, I prayed to God: “Oh God, I thought I had changed somewhat and no longer lived for face and status and that I could get along with this sister. But in Your revelation today, I once again exposed my satanic ugliness, always feeling like I had no status among others and suffering because my efforts were not praised. Oh God, Satan has really harmed me too deeply. Status, reputation, and vanity have all become my shackles. I pray that You can guide me to understand the truth of my corruption by Satan, and guide me back out of its influence.” Afterward, I saw the following words of God: “Every one of you has ascended to the highest heights of the multitudes; you have ascended to be the ancestors of the multitudes. You are extremely arbitrary, and you are running amok among all of the maggots seeking a peaceful place, attempting to devour the maggots that are smaller than you. You are malicious and sinister in your hearts, surpassing those ghosts that have sunk to the bottom of the sea. You live in the bottom of the dung, disturbing the maggots from top to bottom so that they have no peace, fighting with each other for a while and then calming down. You do not know your own status, yet you still battle with each other in the dung. What can you gain from that struggle? If you truly had a heart of reverence for Me, how could you fight with each other behind My back? No matter how high your status is, aren’t you still a stinking little worm in the dung? Will you be able to grow wings and become a dove in the sky?” (“When Falling Leaves Return to Their Roots You Will Regret All the Evil You Have Done” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). God’s words of judgment stabbed painfully into my heart like a sharp sword, awakening my spirit and making me realize that I fulfilled my duty not to exalt God and bear witness to Him, but because I always wanted to show off, bear witness to myself, and dreamed of standing high above others so that they would admire and look up to me. Was there any fear of God in my heart? How could this be fulfilling my duty as a creature? I thought of the archangel’s wild ambition, its delusions of being equal to God, and competing with God for status. I was always pursuing others’ high regard and trying to establish my own place and image with others. Wasn’t what I pursued exactly the same as that of the archangel who betrayed God? I am a created being deeply corrupted by Satan; I am like dirt that is not worth a single penny. Now that I received God’s grace and had the opportunity to perform my duty and be a new person, I should be worshiping God and fulfilling the duty of a created being with fear in my heart at all times, but I did not engage in honest work, instead always wanting to use my duty as an opportunity to show off, bear witness to myself and carry out my own business. How could God not hate and detest this? God is so holy and great, full of authority and power, and yet remains humble and concealed, never revealing His identity so that people will look up to and admire Him. Instead, He continues to quietly give His all to save mankind, never explaining Himself or claiming credit, and never demanding anything from mankind. God’s humility, nobility, and selflessness made me see my own arrogance, lowliness, and selfishness. I couldn’t help but feel ashamed, like I had nowhere to hide, and I also felt that I had been too deeply corrupted by Satan and that I was too much in need of the salvation of God’s judgment, chastisement, trials and refinement. I therefore fell down again before God: “Oh, Almighty God! Through Your chastisement and judgment I can see my disobedience, as well as Your nobility and greatness. From now on, when I fulfill my duty I only hope to behave like a proper human being with a heart that fears You, to live entirely upon Your words, and to cast off my satanic disposition.”

I was later chosen to be a church leader, cooperating with another sister to perform our duty. Due to my previous failures, I continually reminded myself that I needed to be of one accord with this sister in order to perform the church’s work properly. At first, I would discuss everything with her and we would seek God’s guidance together so that all aspects of our work would bear fruit. But after some time, I found that she had a good caliber, her fellowship on the truth was clear and illuminating, and that her work capabilities were stronger than mine. During gatherings, brothers and sisters were all happy to listen to her fellowship and they all consulted with her when they encountered problems. Faced with this kind of environment, I once again fell into Satan’s snare, and I thought: “This sister is better than me in every respect and is admired by brothers and sisters regardless of where she goes. No way! I must surpass her no matter what, and have our brothers and sisters see that I am not inferior to her.” To this end, I bustled around the church non-stop every day, having meetings with brothers and sisters, and no matter who ran into problems, I would rush to them to help resolve the issues. I may have seemed loyal and obedient from the outside, but how could my inner ambitions possibly escape the observation of God? My disobedience aroused God’s anger, and He hid His face from me, and as a result I fell into darkness. When reading God’s words I gained no enlightenment, I had nothing to say when praying, I communicated drily during gatherings, and I even became afraid of gathering with brothers and sisters. I became completely shackled by face and status. I muddled through every single day, as though I was shouldering such a great burden that I could not take a deep breath. I could also no longer clearly see some of the issues within the church and my work efficiency dropped sharply. Faced with such a revelation from God, I still did not try to know myself and I was also unwilling to open up to my brothers and sisters about my state and seek the truth to resolve it, for fear that they would look down on me. Later, God’s chastening and disciplining descended upon me. My stomach suddenly began hurting so much that I could not comfortably sit or stand. The torment of this illness and my dissatisfaction from not achieving status left me hovering between life and death. Because I persisted in my misguided course and could no longer do the church’s work, the church had no choice but to replace me. Having lost my status, I felt like I had been condemned to hell. Emotionally, I fell to my lowest point and felt that I had lost all face. I became even more tormented, particularly when I saw brothers and sisters all actively fulfilling their duties, while I had lost the work of the Holy Spirit and was unable to fulfill any duty. In my pain, I could not help but ask myself: Why is it that others believe in God and understand more and more truth, whereas I continue disobeying and resisting God time and time again for the sake of face and status? So, I prayed to God many times and asked Him to lead me to find the root of my failures. One day, I saw the following among God’s words: “Some people particularly idolize Paul: They like to give speeches and work outside. They like to meet together; they like when people listen to them, worship them, and surround them. They like to have status in the minds of others and appreciate when others value their image. Let us analyze their nature from these behaviors: What kind of nature does this type of person with these behaviors have? If he really behaves in this way, then that is enough to show that he is arrogant and conceited. He does not worship God at all; he seeks high status, and he wants to have authority over others, to occupy them, to have status in their minds. What stands out about his nature is arrogance and conceit, unwillingness to worship God, and a desire for the worship of others. This is a classic image of Satan. You can see clearly into his nature from these behaviors” (“How to Know Man’s Nature” in Records of Christ’s Talks). Then I read these words in a sermon: “The essence and nature of Satan is betrayal. It betrayed God from the very start, and after betraying God it deceived, fooled, manipulated, and controlled the men on earth created by God, trying to stand with God as an equal and establish a separate kingdom. … You see, isn’t Satan’s nature one that betrays God? From all that Satan has done to mankind, we can see clearly that Satan is a genuine God-resisting demon and that Satan’s nature is one that betrays God. All of this is absolute” (“How to Achieve Knowledge of Your Own Corrupt Substance” in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life I). Contemplating these words, I could not help but tremble with fear. I saw that what I had lived out was completely Satan’s image—arrogant and conceited, and not worshiping God. God exalted me to fulfill my duty in the church so that I could bring brothers and sisters before God with fear of Him in my heart, and allow them to have a place for God in their hearts, as well as fear and obey Him. But I was not considerate of God’s will in fulfilling of my duty, and felt no burden to help brothers and sisters achieve entry into life. Instead, I always wanted to have others pay attention and listen to me, and for the sake of my own desires, I always tried to build myself up no matter where I went. I was even jealous of the good and envious of the strong, and I stubbornly competed with others for superiority. From the outside, it seemed I was competing with men, but in fact I was fighting against God. This is something that seriously offends God’s disposition. He chastened and disciplined me, and deprived me of status to make me self-reflect and repent. God’s love for me was too deep and too great! Coming to this realization, I could not help but feel regret and self-blame inside, and moreover hated that my corruption was so deep. I followed God but did not pursue the truth, and instead only blindly toiled for status and face. I had really failed to live up to God’s love and salvation. The more I looked into myself, the more clearly I saw that the dictums I had lived by, such as “As a tree lives for its bark, a man lives for his face,” and “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies,” were lies used by Satan to corrupt and harm mankind. I realized that Satan uses these things to paralyze people’s souls, distort their minds, and to have them develop wrong outlooks on life, so that people strive bitterly to pursue empty things such as status, fame, fortune and face, and that they are ravaged and harmed by it at will, then in the end are swallowed up by it. This is Satan’s plot. Now, I would never go against God again while enjoying His mercy. I should completely reform myself, thoroughly forsake Satan, totally give my heart to God, and live out the likeness of a true human being to comfort God’s heart. After that, I sought how to continue on my future path, and how to pursue the truth to be after God’s will. I thanked God for once again guiding me. I then saw God’s words: “Today, even if you are not a worker, you should be able to perform the duty of a creature of God, and seek to submit to all of God’s orchestrations. You should be able to obey whatever God says, and experience all manner of tribulations and refinement, and though you are weak, in your heart you should still be able to love God. Those who take responsibility for their own life are willing to perform the duty of a creature of God, and such people’s viewpoint toward pursuit is the right one. These are the people that God needs. … As a creature of God, man should seek to perform the duty of a creature of God, and seek to love God without making other choices, for God is worthy of man’s love. Those who seek to love God should not seek any personal benefits or that which they personally long for; this is the most correct means of pursuit” (“Success or Failure Depends on the Path That Man Walks” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). Like a beacon, God’s words enlightened my heart, pointing out to me the path I should take. God’s wish is that people, regardless of whether they have status or what environments have befallen them, will do their utmost to pursue the truth, and that they will obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements, and seek to love and satisfy God. This is the most correct way of pursuit as well as the right path of life that a created being should walk. I thus made my resolve before God: Oh God, thank You for showing me the right path in life. My status of the past was due to Your exaltation, and being without status today is also due to Your righteousness. I am just a minuscule created being. From now on, I only wish to pursue the truth and obey all Your arrangements.

Thereafter, my state quickly normalized through reading God’s words and living a life of the church. The church again arranged a suitable duty for me. I began to focus on pursuing the truth in the fulfillment of my duty, and when I revealed my corruption, I would find the corresponding words of God to resolve it. When faced with things that involved face and status, even though some thoughts came to mind, through prayer, seeking the truth from God’s word to understand the essence of fame and gain, gradually I became able to not be controlled by these things and could fulfill my duty with peace of mind. When I saw some brothers and sisters who had not believed in God for as long as me entrusted with commissions, by seeking the truth, I was able to understand that what duty one fulfills at which time is predestined by God, and that I should obey God’s arrangements. As a result, I was able to handle these situations correctly. When brothers and sisters dealt with and exposed my nature and essence, even though I felt I had lost face, I was able to become obedient through prayer. This was because it was God’s love coming upon me, which was greatly beneficial in changing my life disposition. In the past, I was overly focused on my face and was not willing to open up to anyone, for fear that others would look down on me. Now, I practice being an honest person in accordance with God’s requirements, and if I have any problems I open up to my brothers and sisters. This brings me a feeling of release and happiness deep in my soul. Seeing these changes in myself, I could not help but thank and praise God, for these are the fruits borne in me by God’s chastisement and judgment work of the last days.

I have now followed Almighty God for some years. Thinking back, it was Satan’s toxins that had eroded my soul. I had lived under the domain of Satan and was ravaged and fooled by it for many years. I did not know the value and meaning of life. I could not see the light, nor could I find true happiness and joy. I sank into the abyss of misery and was unable to extricate myself. I am now rid of the harm of Satan and have achieved relief and freedom through time after time of God’s chastisement and judgment. I have recovered my conscience and reason, and I also have the correct target to pursue, following God onto the bright and right path in life. Through God’s chastisement and judgment, I have truly experienced God’s selfless and sincere love; I have enjoyed the blessing and received the love that people of the world cannot enjoy. Only God can save man from Satan’s sea of misery, and only God’s work of chastisement and judgment can cleanse us of the satanic toxins and make us live out the likeness of true human beings, and walk on the right path in life. God’s chastisement and judgment is the light. It is the greatest grace, the best protection, and the most valuable wealth of life bestowed by God upon man. Just as the words of Almighty God say: “Chastisement and judgment by God was man’s best protection and greatest grace. Only through chastisement and judgment by God could man awaken, and hate the flesh, and hate Satan. God’s strict discipline frees man from the influence of Satan, it frees him from his own little world, and allows him to live in the light of God’s presence. There is not better salvation than chastisement and judgment!” (“The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). Thanks be to God’s chastisement and judgment for saving me and allowing me to be reborn! In my future path of faith, I will spare no effort to pursue the truth, receive more of God’s chastisement and judgment, and thoroughly cast off Satan’s toxins to achieve purification, achieve a true knowledge of God, and become a person who genuinely loves God.